On the Light Side: Things Kids Teach You

Things I've learned as a parent:

1. A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a one-floor, 2,000-square-foot house 4 inches deep.
   
2. If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with inline skates, they can ignite.
   
3. A 3-year-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
   
4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound child wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. However, if you tie it to a paint can, it is strong enough to spread paint on all four walls of a 20-foot-by-20-foot room.
   
5. You may have to make a few throws before you get a hit, but you should not toss baseballs into the air when the ceiling fan is on. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
   
6. Glass windows do not stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. Not even if they are double pane.
   
7. When you hear the toilet flush followed by "uh-oh," it is already too late.
   
8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9. If you show an 8-year-old how to use a magnifying glass for wood burning, she may try it on other things.
   
10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a child.
    
11. "Play-Doh" and "microwave" do not belong in the same sentence.
    
12. Super Glue? It really is forever.
    
13. An 8-year-old can pick a lock with an old driver's license, even when her father can't.
    
14. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
    
15. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
    
16. A DVD player will not play a movie if you insert the spinner from Chutes & Ladders.
    
17. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
    
18. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise during driving.
    
19. You really do not want to know what that odor is coming from.
    
20. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.
    
21. Ever let your daughter play with the phone while you take a quick trip to the bathroom? Don't. 9-1-1 can get there really fast.
    
22. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
    
23. It will, however, make cats dizzy.
    
24. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
    
25. Eighty percent of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Found on the Internet.